


Snow-body's Business

by two_drama_nerds_in_a_boat



Category: Lumberjanes
Genre: And the shenanigans that come along with it :D, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, I'd tag this as Canon Divergence but the thing is the Lumberjanes timeline's already so weird, Set During The Grootslang Arc, Snowball Fights, So... Snow!!, Uno (card game), that this could also definitely be Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:13:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28032966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/two_drama_nerds_in_a_boat/pseuds/two_drama_nerds_in_a_boat
Summary: When all the other cabins leave with their counselors on different camping trips in an event to try and earn as many badges as they can, Rosie leaves the Zodiacs behind to look after the camp. Hes thinks it'll be an easy job. She doesn't expect a goddess to fall out of the sky, a freak blizzard to appear out of nowhere, and all the snowball fights Mackenzie's cooking up. She's determined to help Diane figure out the source of this mysterious winter - and she's willing to bet the Roanokes are at the bottom of it.
Relationships: Brief Jen & The Zodiacs (Lumberjanes), Diane/Hes (Lumberjanes), The Zodiacs (Lumberjanes) - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Snow-body's Business

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lesbijane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbijane/gifts).



> This fic is my present to lesbijane for secret snowflake - I had so much fun writing it, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> This is set during the Grootslang Arc, so Diane has yet to come back to camp, and Barney has yet to join the Zodiac cabin. I'm also including some fanon lore that Vanessa disappeared at the beginning of summer, meaning that at the start of the story, the Zodiacs are down to four cabin members (Hes, Mackenzie, Wren, and Emily) and no counselor. Also, the Dies in this is more just pining from Hes's POV, but it felt significant enough that I decided to tag it.

Hes leans against the cabin doorframe, watching all of the other campers get ready to get their camping badges.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come along?” Asks Jen, hoisting a large backpack onto her shoulders. “I don’t mind taking care of you, and I’m sure my girls would be happy to have some other folks to talk to, and I know your counselor-”

“We’re sure, Jen,” Hes says. “I’m sorry. We took a vote last night and we just don’t think it’s right to cause you any more trouble than usual.” 

“Plus, Rosie needs someone to look after camp while she’s away,” Kenzie adds. 

Hes nods. “Right. And she asked us to do it.” 

Jen opens her mouth like she’s about to say something, argue that it’s not right for the smallest cabin to take care of an entire camp for who-knows-how-long, when a tiny blur of orange and blue with little flapping arms approaches them. 

“COME ON JEN!!!” The blur - Ripley, Hes guesses, thought the girl’s moving so fast it’s hard to make out any actual features. “YOU PROMISED WE’D GET TO SET UP A TENT AND I’VE NEVER SET UP A TENT BEFORE CAN WE GO NOW PLEASE?”

Hes shoots Jen a small smile. “I think you’ve got your hands full as it is.”

“Are you _sure_ you’ll be okay?” 

“Don’t worry about us. We’ve just gotta hold down the fort for a day and a night - what’s the worst that could happen?”

So Jen hugs all the Zodiac campers, because Jen _worries_ about them darn it, and they watch as all the campers leave, cabin by cabin, and Rosie rides off into the forest on a moose, on some quest they have yet to learn the details of, and the Zodiac campers sit on the front porch of their cabin and Wren says, “Uno, anyone?”

* * *

Little known fact: Hes is _terrible_ at Uno. 

You’d think she would’ve gotten better at it, because for the first few weeks (days? Time runs funny, here), back when Diane was at camp with them it was her favorite game and she was absolutely incredible at it, and Hes and Diane were sort of kind of attached at the hip. Diane tried teaching Hes how to cheat, and Hes said that cheating was unethical and went against her morals, and Diane gave Hes a playful shove and-

Wren slaps down a +4 card, pulling Hes out of her thoughts.

“Junk.”

“Okay,” Em sighs. “What color?”

“Green.” 

Hes looks at her hand of red-and-yellow’s and groans.

They’re in the cabin, sitting on the big bed near the door, the one that used to be Vanessa’s. At first, they decided not to touch it. “What if she comes back?” Emily said. Hes wanted to say _And what if she doesn’t?_ But she kept her mouth shut, at the time. After a while, days of waiting that turned into weeks of waiting, they gave up. They’re sitting on it, now, covers thrown aside because it’s so darn _hot,_ Uno deck stacked in the center as Wren, Emily, and Hes take turns throwing down cards (though Hes is currently drawing some - she doesn’t have any green, and none of her numbers match). Mackenzie’s laying on the ground, reading a book about the invention and evolution of field hockey throughout history.

Diane’s bunk is still empty. Hes wonders how long it’ll take for them to start using it as free space. 

"Do you think a shark or a jaguar would win in a fight?" Asks Mackenzie. 

"That question makes no sense," says Wren. "They live 

And then, out of absolutely nowhere, something falls out of the sky. 

Well, to be precise, it falls out of the sky and lands with a loud THUMP! on the roof of the cabin and then rolls off the roof of the cabin with a noise that’s sort of like _thuthuthurrrthu_ and then lands in a heap on the grass outside with a smaller, quieter, Thump!

Hes puts down her cards. It’s not like she was winning, anyway. 

“I’m going to go check out that noise.” 

“Come on Hes,” Wren says, “what if it was just another pterodactyl? Those things may not be hungry for humans, but they’re mean as heck.” 

“If it’s a pterodactyl, I’ll call you.” 

“And if it’s a UFO-?”

“I’ll call for you specifically, Em.” 

Hes looks up just in time to see Emily's toothy grin. "Thanks."

"No problem." 

* * *

Hes slides into a pair of shoes they keep by the door (they made a rule at the beginning of the year, No Shoes Inside, something brought about by a unanimous vote) and before she knows it she’s outside, and the sun is on her face and the wind is tugging at her t-shirt, and she’s looking down at the thing that fell out of the sky and onto the roof of their cabin and then subsequently rolled off the roof of their cabin and landed in a heap on the grass outside, and she lets out a small gasp because it was-

“Diane?”

“Hrmf,” she replies. “Hes.” 

“DID SOMEONE SAY DIANE?”

And soon enough the others are out the cabin, too, in sneakers and sandals and hiking boots. The Zodiacs crowd around the rumpled lump of goddess, all splayed limbs, hair messed up, absolutely fuming. She stands, pushing her clothes and hair back into place, straightening herself out.

“None of you saw that,” she says. 

Hes has a hard time holding back a laugh, but somehow, she manages. “Noted.” 

“Okay,” Diane says, rubbing her hands together like she’s trying to get warmth back into them, despite the fact that the sun’s out and it’s the middle of summer and Hes doesn’t understand why anyone would worry about anything but sunburn. “Who did it?” 

“What do you mean?”

“Which one of you did it?” Diane says, unhelpfully. “Persephone’s not supposed to leave for vacation for at least another five months, and in fact, I _know_ she hasn’t left because _Dad_ mad me check on her and then he sent me down her to suss out the problem and Athena mocked me the whole way, but in that sickly sweet way of hers, and I know it’s not any of the other mortals because literally every place outside of this one specific camp and also Loch Ness (for some reason) is absolutely and completely free of magic. And I checked Loch Ness but that couldn’t have been the root of the problem, because apparently it’s just wack ‘cause there’s some dino in the water, and now I’m here and everyone’s gone and _I want to know what the junk is going on.”_ Diane pauses, catching her breath. “Wait. Why can’t I say junk? Junk, junk, junk… JUNK! I forgot that happened when I came here.” 

Emily blinks. “Okay. So that was a lot to process.” 

Hes puts her hands on her hips, and looks around them. The camp looks normal as ever - the standard rows of cabins, mess hall, tetherball poles, the volleyball net still in pieces from a recent dino attack. Nothing seems amiss. 

“Let’s head inside,” she says. “We’ll get everyone some of those cookies from that care package the Scouting Lads sent us. And Diane?”

“What?”

“It’s nice to see you again. We missed you.” 

* * *

“Diane,” Wren says, “not that we’re unhappy to see you or anything… but why are you here, exactly?”

They're sitting on their bunks, Diane already settled back on hers, like she never left at all, and Hes doesn't know how she feels about that. Hes is the only one not in her bunk (well, other than Mackenzie, but she's busying herself looking for the cookies), sitting on Vanessa's old bed with her legs dangling off the edge. She knows she's not the counselor, knows she's not technically in charge, but she's the oldest (ignoring the fact that Diane's an immortal goddess) and she's the most responsible, and she's going to be the one to get to the bottom of this. 

"FOUND THEM!" Shouts Mackenzie, emerging out from under one of the bunks with four ziplock bags of cookies in her hands. "We got snickerdoodle, M&M, chocolate chocolate, and granola."

"Granola, please," Diane grumbles. Mackenzie tosses her the bag, and Diane catches it and immediately digs in. She looks a mess - even after straightening herself out and fixing problems most likely brought to her by her fall from the sky, she still has holes in her clothes, bags under her eyes, and a thick layer of dirt covering her from head to toe. And not the healthy covered-in-dirt look that summer camp gives you. Diane just looks like she needs a long nap and a shower. And maybe a hug. 

"I'll take M&M," Hes says, catching the bag in the air. Wren settles for snickerdoodles, sharing them with Emily, and Mackenzie goes for the chocolate chocolate. "So Diane. Um, I know you've said it before, but why exactly are you here, again?"

“I’m trying to figure out who brought about this premature winter!” Diane fumes.

“But Diane,” Hes says, ever the arbiter. “There hasn’t even been any snow.” 

“HES!” Shouts Wren from her spot by the window. “I think you need to see this.” 

Hes gets up and dashes to the window, the wood floor creaking underneath her feet. The ground is colder than it used to be, and she briefly wonders why she didn't decide to wear socks today. Then, she notices that the air around her is chilling. But it shouldn't be - it's the middle of July! (Or maybe June. August? Months are hard, here). And then she looks at the frosted window frame, and doesn't even have time to wonder why it's frosted, because then she sees the snowy landscape outside. 

"Holy junk," Hes says. "Scouts, it looks like we've got a solid case of winter in July." 

* * *

"Who's brilliant idea was it to take this show on the road, again?" Asks Wren, wading through the thick blanket of snow on the ground as she trudges with her fellow Zodiacs across camp. 

"All of ours," Hes says. "We voted."

The snow's brought with it a terrible frost, and a chill in the air that bites and snarls at Hes's cheeks. They've bundled up in the closest they could get to winter clothes, all five of them - Emily found a scarf she knit for or Crochet My Way! badge, and Mackenzie's wearing four layers of socks, plus a fencing jacket over her jersey. Diane swore she'd be fine without the extra layers, "I'm a goddess, we don't _get_ cold" but Hes insisted she borrow one of her hoodies, so Diane shrugged one on over her head and she's wearing it now, and it makes Hes feel warm and happy, even if she can't really put it into words.

"Who wants to be it's some sort of pissed off norse deity who did this?" Asks Wren. Her arms are crossed over her chest, trying to keep ahold of as much body warmth as possible. Hes doubts it's working, with all the shivering she's doing, but she doesn't blame her for trying. 

"Not the norse," Diane mutters. "Checked with them." 

Mackenzie nods. "Diane's right. I'm betting the yeti's built a snow-machine, and it got outta hand." 

"Boo. It's obviously some ancient curse that only the power of true friendship can overcome," says Emily. "Obviously." 

"Whatever it is," Hes says, "I'm willing to bet that the Roanokes know exactly what's going on." 

The others stop in their tracks for a moment, thinking. 

"...bet a week's worth of cafeteria french toast sticks that the Roanokes directly caused the problem?" Emily offers. 

Wren smirks. "I'll take that bet." 

They shake on it, and then slowly but surely, the group begins to move forward again. 

The snow seems to get brighter and thicker in their eyes with each step of the way, and sometimes bits of hail hit them on their faces and shoulders as they walk. They're not even through camp yet - or maybe they are. The snow's coming down so heavy, it may as well be a brick wall. 

"This is hopeless," Hes mutters. "How are we gonna find anyone in this weather? What were we even thinking going outside?"

"...we were thinking it'd be fun to go play in the snow?" Offers Mackenzie. 

"Actually, the original plan of action was to track down whoever caused this mess," Emily says, "like the Roanokes, or Rosie, or some ancient forest creat-" a snowball hits Emily in the face. 

_Mackenzie's_ snowball hits Emily in the face. 

"Oh, it's on," Emily says, ducking for cover behind a tree and lunging to the ground to make as man snowballs as possible. 

"EVERY WOMAN FOR HERSELF!" Wren shouts, before hiding 

"Guys, we're supposed to be-" Hes is pummeled by snowballs before she can get any further. 

"Come on," Diane grabs her hand and pulls her behind a large pile of snow. Hes expects her to have this grand idea for how to get their friends back on subject, or some new plan to solve the sudden winter. Instead, she starts to mold as much snow as possible into round, compact shapes. "Here," she says, handing Hes a brand-new snowball. "Aim for Mackenzie, first - she wasted most of her ammo on Emily in the beginning, and she's busy making more as we speak." 

"What about the winter?" Hes asks. "What about the snowstorm, what about magic and gods and-"

"Oh come on," Diane says. "You know the Roanokes'll just solve it eventually. And we're stuck out here and it's freezing. May as well have some fun." 

"You..." Hes sighs. "You're right."

"Of course I am." Diane turns back to where she was making snowballs earlier. "Now come on, we don't have long before Mackenzie's fully stocked again." 

"Right." Hes leans over to peak at where Mackenzie's busying herself restocking her snowballs, noting that she's probably another fifteen seconds before she has to make her move. She takes in a deep breath - better to just do this now. "Hey Diane?" She says. 

"Yeah?"

"I missed you." 

Diane turns around to look at her, and Mackenzie catches her smiling. "I missed you too, Hes." She reaches out and gives her a hug. "Now go kick some Mackenzie butt." 


End file.
